I want to preface this that I am writing this series based on my experience. I will share all true stories about how people have positively helped me and negatively hurt me throughout my journey. I hope that as a reader when someone you know gets diagnosed you can learn from my blog and help them in a positive manner.
It is important to note that everyone's cancer journey is different and the best way to know how to support someone going through treatment is to ask how you can help them. However I have put together some key concepts on how to help someone throughout their journey in my perspective. 1. RESPECT THEIR WISHES If they tell you about their diagnosis before they tell the public, RESPECT THEIR PRIVACY. For me at least, when I was diagnosed I was ashamed, embarrassed and terrified for the future. I opened up to my close friends and believed I could trust them by keeping my diagnosis private. However I was wrong when I found out one of my best friends, at the time, told multiple people that I was getting a biopsy. Having someone spread sensitive information about my health before I had the opportunity to was shattering to my well being. This is one example of how people have negatively impacted my cancer journey. 2. DON'T MAKE IT ABOUT YOURSELF Think about these statements: "I'm sorry" "I'm so proud of you" "I feel so bad for you" "I am so happy for you" They all contain "I" in them. Stop making it about you and stop telling the person who is going THROUGH cancer about how their diagnosis impacts YOU. Instead address how they may be feeling and revert it back to THEM. Use statements like "What you are going through is very difficult, how can I help?" "This is your moment, you should be so proud of your accomplishments" "This must be so hard, want to talk about it? "This is such positive/fantastic news! You did it!" 3. SHOW SUPPORT-BE THERE The amount of people who showed support through social media and did not reach out to me privately or in person at school is too much to count. If you want to support someone SUPPORT them. Be there. Ask what you can do to help. Listen to them. Talk to them. Spend time with them. Do not just hide behind your phone and "show" the world that you are supporting someone who has cancer when all you are really doing is commenting on an instagram photo. Stop saying "let me know if you need someone to talk to" and start saying "I'm here if you need someone to talk to" "I'm here to listen" Listen Be present However if you are going to support them: support them through and beyond their cancer. Don't leave when they ring the bell. Don't leave when their scans are clear. Don't leave when they are "better". Just because they are cancer free does not mean that they are free of the terror, heartbreak, and isolation that they experience throughout their journey. I have had two close friends leave me throughout my journey. Nothing hurts more than a close friend leaving you to add to your isolation and darkness that is your cancer diagnosis. At the end of the day you are not the one that has the cancer in your body. You are not the one receiving chemo or getting radiation and being chained to a mask every day. Someone else's cancer is not something you should be sorry about. Yes, their diagnosis can impact you emotionally but it is important to stay strong for them and show them that you are here to support them no matter what. You can help, impact and brighten someone's day by staying positive and showing your support by BEING THERE. I hope you can learn from this and share this with someone to help others impact those who are diagnosed in a POSITIVE light. Thank you
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